While in the Mexican Association of Sexology, we did a
research on ‘families’, establishing up to 29 different structures: nuclear
families, extended families, divorced…with ‘your’ children; ‘my’ children;
‘our’ children; adopted children; grandparents, uncles, aunts etc .It included
indigenous structuring of families, where twins share wives; where father and son share wives; even
villages with a shared ‘wife’. They all hold love. ‘upholding strongholds as
holdings’ held together by relatedness.
This Spring I invited my ex-husband to our family town
house. I did it for him to get away and have a break from the hardships of
everyday life (and aging), he started the year with. I was surprised, however
at everyone’s reaction. Despite our having dinner together once a week, for
over the 11 years we’ve been divorced, my daughter’s reaction and that of my
step-children and sisters was one of ‘shock’. No, we are not planning on
getting back together, again, but what is wrong with ‘caring’ for each other, beyond the
marriage vows? As Western society would have it, love is only allowed in
marriage. We like to believe we divorced out of love. If we had wanted to hurt
each other we would have stayed married to continue making our lives
miserable!!!!
The experience was interesting. My parents shared mutual
enjoyment with his presence, perhaps from the wisdom, borne of time, that
values everyday as if it were the last. No strings attached; no false
expectations; just ‘living the moment’ gratefully. I enjoyed the old comfort of
knowing each other well, making it all, relaxing and easy-going. However, there
too, were surprising changes. He opened the car door for me! And even thanked
me for making his bed. ’Change’ is
‘strange’…both, with a hidden ‘angel’ within.
In my
understanding it confirms that love can be extended beyond what is socially acceptable.
But it needs family.
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