Learning to love. Innocence

L´earning to  Love

Gloria Ornelas Hall

Lesson 31: Innocence

 The other day I heard a wonderful TED exposé by Mitch Resnick, where he proposes we teach children about coding. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/es/mitch_resnick_let_s_teach_kids_to_code.html

Aside from the ingenious proposal, proved successful by his interactive web page http://scratch.mit.edu, I was impressed by his innocence. It is not every day you see someone brilliant, highly recognized for his expertise, talk about his mother, with such love. He used her as an example of someone unaccustomed to computer technology, who found his method of learning coding, simple. But the innocence with which he opened up and shared his emotions was deeply moving. Again he manifested innocent spontaneity when he referred to a young student thanking him, for teaching him how to add variables to an improvised, interactive game he was making. How many of us value such simple gestures. That is what true teachers are made of.

I have been in education for over 30 years and I had never thought about the importance of innocence in a teacher. We become savvy and stuck-up, critical of our peers and their difficulties. We certainly need innocence as teachers to establish empathy and recognize students’ hardships in learning. But we also need innocence as lovers.

Innocence allows us to be spontaneous; to share our fears and insecurities; to ask for help. It takes innocence to be in touch with awe, enthusiasm and humor. As its etymology implies, ‘innocence’  (from lat. Absence of- Gnoscere- to know), requires setting aside assumptions, opinions, preconceptions and previous knowledge. We have to empty our arsenal of self-righteousness and obsequious attention to error, in order to open up to learning, wonder and amazement. That is the emptiness we need, to fully perceive our loved one  as he grows and changes, every day and still, be filled with renewed wonder and amazement.

Innocence requires trust, letting go, losing control and responding instinctively. Only with this innocent attitude can we admit we need someone; can we share our vulnerability; can we admit we are wrong and ask for forgiveness, in a relationship.

 

I thank Mitch for sharing his love for his mother openly, innocently. It speaks for his soul, and his authentic desire to reach out to others. Such daring is often met with ridicule and dismissal, when, in fact it is proof of authenticity. It is this innocence, and not humility that makes us trustworthy, as teachers and as lovers. Spontaneous anger, laughter, awe and sharing are all signs of innocence. Creativity, growth and change come with it. Perhaps this is the key to avoid relationships from going stale and to deter  us from ageing. We need innocence to believe again, not only in students who fail; but in lovers who fail us and even to believe in ourselves, again.

 (It´s a shame I have grown callous and cynical. However, if innocence is not something one looses, perhaps I still have a chance to nurture its regeneration. I´ll have to try it, though the cost of giving up my self-righteous validity will hurt!)

Learning to Love. Touch

L´earning to  Love

Gloria Ornelas Hall

Touch

One of the questions I have no clear answer for, is ‘when to speak up’?

Having studied Communications I know that we are each responsible for the effects that our words unchain. The Bible warns us that ‘all evil comes from the mouth’ and that the big challenge, in loving, is to curb destructive words before we say them.

In this new age of communication where technology spurs messages exponentially, the risk of wrong-doing is even greater. Gossip has become a widespread sport, spreading criticism, back-stabbing, cynicism and defamation. This dissipation fills the media promoting superficiality, vanity, ego-trips and doubt. No one believes in anything or anyone anymore. Instead of a spontaneous, uninhibited, authentic response, we react defensively attacking, before even giving relationships, a chance.

The axiom of old that admonished ‘never to speak, unless spoken to’ has a point. Not as repression, but as self-restraint, suggesting we take time before speaking, so as to think out and filter our words. I know in politics it works: ‘don´t give your opinion, unless asked for ’. People in power, bosses and supervisors hate to be told off. When in doubt, ‘shut up’.

Stages of personal development would have us first, learn to be quiet; then, practice speaking the Truth (not necessarily subjective reality) with courage enough to speak out in indignation; and finally, chose to speak only ‘kindness’.

I find touch is truer to its message. It is more reliable to trust what you feel. When there are no words for pain, touch the “ouch!” The soothing reassurance of a hand on the shoulder, unravels meanings unknown to words. Healing touch has been a mother’s way of caressing a child’s wound, better; a chaman’s way of cleansing the spirit in a body; a lover’s way of saying ‘I love you’. No strings attached, no conditions, just the soft, reassuring warmth of love. Music can do it too. Meaning then, has a chance to be jointly enhanced, both by the sender and the receiver.

Just the other day, while in bed with a stomach ache, my cat crawled on top of me, laying instinctively exactly where it hurt, seemingly absorbing the pain. I immediately felt better. I knew Egyptians kept cats as healers, assisting priests when curing an illness, but had never believed it. Perhaps I too, can touch someone, better and avoid the risk of hurting others with my words.

[ted id=1603 lang=es]

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P.D. Writing love letters is another way of being True to Love.