L'earning to Love: Lesson 10: R-elatedness

L´earning to  Love

Gloria Ornelas Hall

Lesson 10: R-elatedness

‘R-elatedness’ implies commitment. When we ‘k-now’ someone, we ‘owe’ him/her recognition. We are linked to each other in connectivity, whether we know it or not. What one does, affects us all.

As an M.D. specialized in Epidemiology, I have learned to over-see a problem by focusing, not only on the clinical case, but on the circumscribing variables; much as broadening our scope from the tree, to include the whole forest. With that overhead vision, man can be seen as a cell in an integral living Body. We need each other, being part of a same system of life. Unfortunately unconsciousness makes us unaware of this relatedness. It is as if my thumb fought with my index finger, criticizing and constantly nagging it for their differences. With a broader outlook they could see that they are both connected to the same hand, which in turn is connected to a same body. It may sound silly but in a relationship we have to broaden our outlook from ME to US, ‘Tr-USting’ and ‘c-ARE-ING’.

The commitment in a relationship should also be made consciously. It may change every day, but the pact has to be made aligning our Higher- selves with our loved one’s High Self. Now, it’s easy to say but just this morning, I was tempted to break off a relationship because I had felt offended by judgmental comments implying distrust. I realized then that I was responding to his Lower Self, with my Lower Self reactions. This is how we get involved in negative co-dependent reactions which set off cyclic patterns of resentment and vengeance. Becoming aware of the process allowed me to ignore his negative response and focus on his Higher potential. Becoming aware, however, doesn´t take the pain away. We have to suffer the pain silently and let it go. This is where ‘sacrifice’ elevates pain to forgiveness.

Father Chinchachoma, who works with street children used to burn his forearm every time one of his protected was put in jail, or was drugged. Now, this may seem extreme folly. He did it to make them aware of the damage their self-destructive behavior was causing, not only to themselves, but to their loved ones. It follows the Christian tradition of Russian wandering monks who went from jail to jail, bearing the lashings allotted prisoners for their misdemeanors. Receiving their punishments themselves, they were able to transmute the hatred that this punishment would cause transforming it into love and forgiveness. Religious culture has it that such loving was the message on the cross.
We are all responsible for each other. Accepting Lower-Self responses is just as wrong as responding with them. We have to r-elate on a more ‘elating’ level.