L´earning to Love
Gloria Ornelas Hall
Lesson 12: Commitment
Commitment is a word that comes from the latin: cum- with; mittere-‘ to send or pass through’. It is the ‘accompaniment’ that the Danish philosopher and theologian, Soren Kierkegaard said, was one of the ways with which individuals can ‘get through’ the subjective limitations in life. We commit not only to ourselves but to those, willing to walk the ways of life with us. Life-long commitment implies “Till death do us part”, as is sworn in Christian marriages..”through hardships or disease”.
We seal commitment through words, rituals and signatures but they all imply loving, c’ARE-ing’, expanding personal responsibility from ‘I’ to ‘WE’. We cannot commit ourselves to ‘belong to’, someone else. It is not about carrying someone through life, or expecting others to take responsibility over one’s self, or one’s own happiness. Rather, it is about accompanying, walking with a loved one through life; not walking towards someone, but alongside.
Commitments are binding and must, therefore be undone before acquiring new ones. Loyalty and trust require us to be truthful, however painful. It´s not about judging ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, about the criticisms other may have, or about the restrictive engagement of possessiveness and control. It is about Truth. Being True to someone is being honest, and honesty must be centered in Love; not loving to please others, but loving anchored in our alignment with Our Higher Selves. We cannot commit half-heartedly, though there are promises that are made at a personal level, contracts which bind us legally, pledges and alliances that bind us socially.
True commitment requires, first that we have full control over the reins of our own personal responses. If we have not matured enough to have full control over ourselves, we cannot yet, commit to others. Self-knowledge, self-restraint, self-responsibility are indispensable to develop the integrity necessary, to give a solid, trust-worthy back-up to our commitment. Our principles structure the solidity of our personal scaffolding. This makes for our internal ‘character’, sustaining our external ‘persona/personality’.
We have a right to say ‘YES’; we have a right to say ‘NO’. We have a right to ‘CHANGE OUR MINDS’ as we grow. We have a right ‘TO MAKE MISTAKES’, with the responsibility to ‘RECTIFY’ and ‘right’ our ‘wrongs’. But we must always be TRUE TO OURSELVES AND OTHERS.